For those of you who might ask if I might continue it in the future the answer is I don’t know. I will start a new blog when Mitsy Kelder’s Tale is over. I’ve put a lot of thought into how I can keep a blog and not need to worry about the maintenance that goes with it. I think I found a way to do it so I will still be writing stories and the new blog will be advertised on Mitsy Kelder’s Tale. If I choose to ever continue this blog I will advertise it when that time comes.

When it got too late to continue my search I went back to my little garden. I love my garden and my plants but sleeping on a bench is getting old. I looked at the bench for a good long while trying to imagine it with a soft pillow and blanket, the kind that are really warm and heavy but not too heavy, just heavy enough to feel the weight of the blanket and make you feel wrapped up tight like no cold air could ever touch you. The pillow would be the kind of pillow that never hurts your neck, thats all i ask for in a pillow. The bench never did transform into my dream bed though. It remained the cold stone bench that it was and alway will be.

I still slept on it but the sleep was lacking in so much. When the sun rose over the valley I wasn’t ready to join it. The sun’s rays continued to beat down on my skin, warming up every inch of it and eventually reaching my eyes. Even with my eyes closed the sun was too bright and I couldn’t sleep any longer, I was forced to get up with the sun.

As I waited for my carpool I watered my plants that had been slowly dieing without my presence. The military had been slowly killing my plants as it contined to chip away bits of my energy. It didn’t take long for the carpool to arrive and I was off to my second day at work.

When I got off work I had been given the responsibility to wash the vanishing dishes, of course I had no sink at home. I started to think about where to wash them and then I got an idea.

I had saved enough money and stolen enough objects to make a small bathroom on my property. I didn’t have a toilet yet but I did have the sink. I immediately went home and put my architectural skills to work.

I put a few things inside that I’d stolen and though its not much, its enough to get started.

I washed the dishes in the sink and then went for another walk. I needed to find someplace I could go, someplace that would help me get through this rough patch of my life.

Someplace like this.

The cemetery was empty so I didn’t concern myself with the thoughts of ghosts after that. I’d already solved that dilemma it was time to start the next. I put on my work uniform and headed towards the military base. I was glad to leave the cemetery, though it’s a shame it was to go to a place a dread more. I just couldn’t shake an eerie feeling that I wasn’t alone here, and I didn’t like it.

Work left me grimy and unhappy, as always. I hate my job! I can’t move up in my career because it leave me too unhappy afterwards and without a comfortable living situation its just too hard to feel happy. I’m not performing as well as I should and sometimes even worse than I know I can. I left  work and went to the library. I planned it that morning. I was hoping to search for old newspapers and find out whatever had been decided about my parents and maybe even where they were buried. When I got there though I was to tired to do any searching, and i was too dirty to sleep. I went into the bathroom and stripped down, hoping no one would come in, and took a sponge bath in the sink.

It made me feel better, almost rejuvenated.  I decided to use the burst of energy to look up my parents on the internet but once again I never got that far. I was distracted by an advertisement that said ”Jobs that Grow” it had a picture of a person planting a seed and then at the bottom said “Gardners Needed”. Well with my feelings about my current job I couldn’t refuse to check it out.

I read everything on their page. I checked and double checked to make sure I read things right. By the time I had finished it was late and I was exhausted again. I curled up on the couch in the room and drifted into a much better dreamless sleep.

the next morning I went to the science building in town to apply for a job. Anything had to be better then the military and this one promised a chance to work with plants.

They literally looked at my thumbs and asked me why I was interested. I explained that I found the advertisement and they interrupted me a bit through my sentence. “But neither of your thumbs are green.” I was a bit shocked at this, having a “green thumb” was always just a saying I thought and I couldn’t understand why they were being so literal about it. I started to stammer a bit “N-N-No, but I love to garden?” I had gotten nervous and my statement sounded like a question. “Great! You’re hired!” Suddenly my confusion didn’t matter and I couldn’t stop myself from pointing out my surprise by asking “Really?”. She looked at me and said “Of course! You didn’t think that we were actually looking for only green thumbed employees did you? That would be discrimination, we can’t do that.” My face must have been saying what my words weren’t because she then spoke again, “The green thumb is just a joke I like pull on my new hires. I’m sorry.”

I left the building in a good mood. I foound myself gardening again and tending to my plants I’d left for several days while i searched for my needs.

I even fished again!

I was able to even sleep in my garden because I hadn’t wondered around town trying to deal with hunger all day.

Things seemed to be turning around for me, and then the carpool came.

I had finally arrived to my destination. I just couldn’t bring myself to go through the entrance, not right away. It felt too eerie. The whole atmosphere made for a surreal feeling. My body felt as though it was between two worlds. I was light headed and felt as if I was floating. What made it all even worse was that I just couldn’t shake that dream.

Things seemed unnatural, unreal. Everything seemed to glitter and glow, much like the scenes of my dream. It was pretty, calming, and unnerving all at once.

My dream…so strange. My mom cooking seemed normal, but her being evil? No. Thats not right. Thats not real. I remember that much. My dream was just a bad dream, thats all it was, nothing about it was real. I took a deep breath and then began to enter the only place in town most people avoid at this time due to fear.

I’ve heard stories about the graveyard at night. People say its haunted by its inhabitants. My dream was about ghosts. My mom’s army of ghosts. But I don’t believe in ghosts. The reason I’m here is because I miss her and want to mourn her, and I also want to prove to myself something. Not really sure what that is but I wanted to prove it. Still the idea of ghosts kept me from looking anywhere but directly in front of me. I made sure everything outside of reach was outside of sight. It seemed as though everything in the graveyard was normal, I didn’t see anything like what I heard described by people…just another rock.

Well……..maybe I spoke too soon.

I could of sworn I saw a man sitting on one of the benches reading a book, but when I looked there again he was gone. Not possible, it couldn’t have been a ghost. I refuse to believe in ghosts!

Having been distracted by the man on the bench that I only THOUGHT to have seen, because he wasn’t really there, I forgot what I went to the graveyard for. There is a small pond in the graveyard and I chose to try to fish…dunno if there are even fish in the pond there but I was hoping to calm my nerves. I was in desperate need of some calming since I was apparently hallucinating.

An older man passed by and I kindly greeted him. It was just a simple greating like “Hello there sir”. Well what I said I suppose really doesn’t matter, but when I turned to look at him when I said it I noticed he wasn’t 100% there. I don’t mean mentally I mean physically.

I dropped my fishing pole and just stood there staring at him. He never responded to my greeting but he sure did react to my stare. He dropped to the ground and started crying and pleading with me. He mentioned his wife and kids and how he was all they had to care for him and how it couldn’t be his time yet, he still had several days before he should expire. Then he begged and pleaded with me not to take him yet. It then occurred to me that I was standing near the grim reapor statue and he might not be talking to me at all.

He faded into the night air and I blinked a few times, just standing there. Did that really happen? I’m sure I saw it but it actually happened kind of fast. I was left wondering what it was I witnessed. After several minutes of gawking at the ground where I could of sworn a man should have been I decided I’d gone insane. I was clearly nuts and was simply hallucinating. Thats all it was, a hallucination. I’m crazy. End of story. Good news is I remembered why I came to the graveyard. I know my parents are buried in another town. Here I am in the valley and my parents are on the other side of the hills in the country. I still felt the need to mourn them.

I found some random headstone and began to cry. Sure its not my mom’s or my dad’s but it does belong to someone and they were loved too, I’m sure. Well maybe not, it didn’t have any flowers or anything. That is besides the point, I needed to cry. My dream had reminded me of so many emotions and scars that I had pushed deep within myself and locked up to try and forget entirely. After learning my parents were thieves I often feared that they were evil as well, but I reminded myself everyday growing up that there were many things that could lead to stealing and being evil wasn’t allways one of them. I also reminded myself everyday that I should know better than to think that, my parents were some of the nicest people in town. Still the dream brought those feelings back to the surface and I let them all out, right over this random person’s grave.

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My plants seem to have grown overnight and need a lot of care. I’m glad their finally blooming, I can’t wait til the fruit starts to grow and I can actually taste my heaven. I’ve chosen to start trying out some fertilizers to help improve the plants. Its the only way I can think of to get very nice grapes by Wednesday for the supermarket. I forgot to write that they had asked all local gardners for some very nice grapes, of course they don’t know I have a garden so they weren’t specifically asking me but I’ve chosen to try to help out anyways. With the right care and nutrition my grapes should sprout any day now.

After I finished caring for my plants that morning I had started to smell of dirt and sweat. Though its not a great smell for most people I love it, its the smell of my garden. Ok, that’s not 100% true, I only like the smell of the dirt. With that said I went to look for a shower. I was also hungry at this point and I could tell it was getting late so I wanted to nap a bit in an actual bed before it was too late to do so. I didn’t actually get that full night’s rest I hoped for on the bench.

I had found what looked like a really nice place to try to clean and rest up at but the people wouldn’t answer the door. For the first time in my life I felt something crawl up from the pit of my stomach to my chest and fill me entirely. It was an anger I’d never before experienced and caused me to act in a way I never before desired.

I kicked over their trash can! HA! TAKE THAT! How dare they not answer the door! Though my deed was small and really not that much of “payback” it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. I yelled a little bit towards the can before I calmed down and tried again.

The second time they let me in and after certain needs were met it didn’t take long to find a bed to sleep in.

In the kitchen someone began to cook. I was halfway in la la land by that point.

My mom used to cook, she was a good cook. I miss my mom.

The dream was horrible! My mom, my sweet, sweet mom was EVIL! And out for blood! It started out as a dream about her cooking, but then it became something else, something I wish it hadn’t. She chose not to finish cooking, she chose to leave the food in the oven to start a fire. She chose to kill people! Then dad was there, but then he wasn’t! She was with the creepy guy! And those faces! Oh those faces! So familiar and yet I don’t know why. I had to go.

The family hadn’t asked me to leave but I couldn’t stay any longer. I’m not sure if it was them or the house or what but I needed to go to one place…the only place I could think of.

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So last time I wrote I was sleeping in the park after a really nice day. Thats probably one of the last I’ve had. Usually my days off work are somewhat nice but I spend the time recharging and by the time I’m really enjoying myself its time to work again. I really did enjoy that night at the park. I decided to wear my nightgown after I sponge bathed in the bathroom sink so it did feel a little chilly but it was chilly in a good way, I’m really not sure how to explain that. Though the park was completely empty of people I didn’t feel alone, I felt as though someone was there with me, but a good someone. It was a comforting feeling.

I woke up before I was fully rested though because I had work. Ugh, the thought of my first day. They gave me a uniform, a hideous uniform. The top is a lovely shade of vomit yellow that does not match well with the blue cap or the camoflouge pants. While the cap is probably my favorite part of the uniform, who puts a blue cap with a yellow/greenish outfit? Really, who? As for the actual work, that sucks too. My mood while I was there became so bad that my performance was decreasing despite the fact that I was doing nothing different.

When I got off work I was exhausted. They sure don’t let up any on ya when you’re in there. I had to find a bed and fast! I found this house that had an open floor plan. I mean REALLY open. So open that the only room completely closed off is the bathroom.

I just walked right into the bedroom and crawled into the bed. I don’t think the owner even saw me. Come to think of it, I’m not sure that he was home when I went to sleep there. It sure was nice to sleep in a bed.

When I finally saw the home owner, and he saw me, it was late at night. I’m not sure what he was thinking when he saw me since I was in my nightgown but he didn’t really look happy. He might have been wondering “Who the heck is that? In MY house!?” Or he could have been thinking “Did that woman just sleep in MY bed?” Its kind of funny to think about now, but when it happened I blushed a little and felt somewhat ashamed.

I started talking to him. I told him how he had a nice house and I absolutely loved it. I also apologized for intruding. As I started trying to redeem myself I found I felt at ease talking to him, even if he really didn’t seem at ease with me at all. I just went on and on and on about everything! I told him about my parents, and I told him about my empty lot (at the time the garden wasn’t even there), and I even told him about Teddy. I told him EVERYTHING! I guess he felt bad for me because he wasn’t mean to me. He didn’t really talk to me the rest of the evening so I’m not sure he really liked me much, but at least he wasn’t mean.

I read a little before falling asleep on his couch. Since it wasn’t enclosed like most houses it really felt like all the comforts of home, but home was under the stars. I like the stars.

The next morning I woke up on his couch and it was time to go to work. I was a little confused at first about where I was. Usually people tell me to leave before now and though I’m used to sleeping in someone backyard I’m not use to waking up and seeing someone sleeping on the couch next to me. That was definitely strange because I knew he had a bed. Then again that creepy man who followed me into town was there the day before and perhaps had stayed the night as well. Work was no different that day and I got off work miserable. I felt horrible, and worse then the previous day.

I didn’t even make it to my home before I collapsed on the side of the road. When I woke up there were a few seeds near by I chose to pick up but then I immediately found a near by home.

The man who answered the door was in a cop uniform, and I think he let me in because of my military uniform. He left shortly after and I don’t think he’d had felt comfortable leaving me there with his wife if that hadn’t been the case. Plus he pointed it out when he welcomed me in, something about “hey there soldier” and “its the least I can do”. I wasn’t really paying attention, I was in need of a bed badly. I found it upstairs, ugh, stairs. When I went in the room I noticed the decorations before I noticed the bed. The movie poster, the glass vase with flowers in it, the plant, the glass vase, the pictures above the bed, the vase. I couldn’t help myself, my fingers felt all tingly. I knew what was coming, but in a cop’s house? I couldn’t! I shouldn’t! I did.

I collapsed on their floor before I finally made it to the bed. I was lucky enough to get a few hours of sleep, and indeed I did feel lucky. No matter my feelings I was asked to leave as it got too late and being too exhausted to go anywhere I slept on their porch, slowly smelling more and more foul.

When I woke up in the middle of the morning hours I realized I had the day off. Ahh how nice that seemed at first. Thats when my garden was built. And I immediately started planting the seeds I collected, well some of them anyways, I still have some to learn about before I can grow them.

I was in my garden the rest of the evening. My garden. I love the smell of the dirt and the feel of it between my fingers, and I love talking to my plants. Sure there’s not really anything there yet but I know my plants can still hear me and the love I have for them in every word. “You’re growing to grow up big and strong, yes you are little tomato plant. You’re gonna grow the most perfect tomatoes and I’ll be here to help you the whole way.” I left my garden when it got late and went to visit my neighbors again, they allowed me to use their shower and eat something but I went back to their patio when I felt my needs had been met. I allowed myself to drift into my dreams and though now I forget what they were I remember it felt as though I didn’t exist, I felt at one with the ground, and the sky, and the plants around me. I felt as light as air.

The next day as I rode in the back of the taxi to my work place I glanced over at the pond. It brought back memories, and most of them didn’t even happen at that pond. I’m going to have to go fishing again soon, it would be nice to do so.

After work I smelled horrific and felt like crap, just a normal day. I ran off to shower at the gym and then found the first house that had someone in it. A little girl answered the door. I suppose that day was really no different then any other day. Wake up at some random person’s house, go to work, find another random person’s house to sleep at…this is what was becoming my daily routine. The little girl’s house was my random place to sleep, but why I really bring it up at all because its really unimportant is her eyes! They were like a silver color, they were pretty and creepy all at the same time. She was really friendly though and had no trouble letting a stranger into her home. Wonder what her parents are teaching her? She’s home alone and some strange girl comes to the door asking to come in, and she says yes! I was always told NOT to do that.

I woke up from a phone call and that sucked because I was sleeping really well. I guess the little girl’s mom didn’t even know I was there because when my cell phone went off it seemed like she all of a sudden became aware and told me to leave.

They didn’t have any outdoor furniture so when I got home I went into the backyard of the neighbors I haven’t met yet and took a bench from them. I put it in my garden and that’s where I slept. Despite the fact that it was on a stone bench it felt like one of the best nights sleep I had since that night at the park.

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After feeling like a homeless mooch I realized that I needed to start building some sort of house. I don’t have enough money to do that yet because everything my parents had was confiscated for evidence. I needed a job but I wanted one that would fit my current life style and not be a constant reminder of my history. For example there was no way I’d become a cop. I don’t want to hear about the need to find a mysterious thief and having to hunt myself down…that would be an interesting double life though. I also don’t want to join the culinary career or the business career due to the constant reminders those could create with my parents. I also probably shouldn’t join the criminal career because I don’t need a criminal record, I already have enough problems. The town is full of opportunities I just had to find the one that’s right for me.

For some reason I chose to join the military. At the time I thought it was a good idea. Lots of discipline and structure, something my life has had little of with my parents out of the picture. Still now I wonder. They do background ckecks and stuff I’m sure and perhaps with my current behaviors it was the wrong choice. We’ll see, maybe it’ll lead to something totally awesome or another oportunity will show itself later down the line.

It did allow for some interesting events immediately though. I suddenly seemed to be finding all sorts of stuff. There was a rock near by the building and I went to take a closer look because it seemed kinda big, I found out it was a chunk of silver and worth a little bit of money! I started walking home and kept my eyes open after that, I was excited that I found something and thought it would be really cool if I found more. I ended up finding a ton of seeds. Most I don’t know how to plant yet so I’m going to keep them til I do but what I found interesting was how they seemed to be leading to something. They were in like some sort of a line or something. I would see one seed, collect it, and then from there see another. It continued like that til I found a shiny rock but it almost seemed like I should have found something more extraordinary. Not seeing anything else I decided just to forget about it and go to the park.

The park is where I spent most my time when I first got here as a teen. People always seemed to leave their picnic baskets unattended and if I couldn’t get a hamburger from a basket some of the trees had Delicious fruit. The small bathrooms didn’t have a shower but when I got dirty enough I’d sponge bath using the sinks. Surprisingly the park had enough for me to live on. Today when I arrived I saw seeds laying all over the place and decided to collect them. It was like the park knew I’d be coming and it knows how much I want to start my own garden. I felt a rush of emotion when I arrived. The grass was green, the pond seemed to sparkle, the wind’s warm, soft breeze seemed to wrap around me like a beloved blanket. I was at peace, and this felt like home.

I spent the rest of that day enjoying the outdoors. I collected the seeds I saw, and again harvested the fruit. It didn’t seem like my mood could have been any better. As the sun began to set and the pink hue fell over the town I realized how late it had gotten. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, gardening always makes me smell just a little funky. I wasn’t going to leave the park. In fact as I write now I am sitting on the park bench I have chosen to sleep on tonight. Its the very same as when I first arrived to this town. I’m quite fond of it actually. Its in the perfect spot, in the corner where I can see everything perfectly and under a tree so that its nice and shady when the sun is out. When a cool breeze passes by and your sitting in the trees shade its like a blessing in the heat of the evening. I’m not really sure where the future will take me, and I’m not sure how I’ll manage everything, but so long as this park is here I think I’ll be ok.

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They invited me in. I had plans to use their facilities and then leave shortly after but their house was stunning. I knew my neighbors had large houses and they appeared to be living in luxury but I was only guessing at that. When I walked through the door it was apparent that this family was rich. I forgot about my needs and started looking around. There was something starting to overwhelm me, I didn’t really understand it at first.

I continued to look around for quite some time. I started downstairs and then worked my way upstairs, it didn’t take long to learn that they really knew how to decorate. Each room seemed color coordinated, it was obvious that time and a lot of thought had gone into ever piece chosen for decoration. I went upstairs and found a bedroom, but it seemed kind of bland compared to the others, perhaps a guest room. The room was decorated in blue, everything from the walls to the rug, the bed, the lights, and the curtain were all blue. One might think that this could be too much blue but they had balanced it out just right. The thing overwhelming me made itself quite clear while I was in this room. It wasn’t just a desire but a need to steal something, anything!

While I’d always taken small things like fruit from a tree or a plate from a picnic basket I’d never actually taken anything from a person’s home before. At first I was a bit nervous, but I really, really, REALLY had to take something.  I sort of battled with myself for a bit. “I can’t do it, I’ll be caught” “what if they really need it?” “Its wrong” No matter what I told myself the need to steal wouldn’t relinquish. I decided if I were going to steal it would have to be something small and something that they wouldn’t need most. I looked around and saw that I was still alone and quickly grabbed up one of the lights on a night stand. What? They had two! They can live without ONE measly light!

It didn’t really stop there though. I had enjoyed the taste of success. I had to have more! I found the next bedroom. It looked like a child’s room with a single bed and decorated with pirates and other sorts. In here too I chose to steal. I couldn’t resist the urges and this time I didn’t fight quite so much.

I looked around once again but still the family seemed unaware and I made my move. I quickly reached up and took the wall lamp. SUCCESS! No on was the wiser and I was beginning to become obsessed. I walked down the hall to a room that seemed rather promising, the one I assumed to be the parent’s room.

And I was right, it was what appeared to be the master bedroom, decorated with golds and reds. This room was filled with valuables. Despite my recent unstoppable stealing rampage I just couldn’t bring myself to take something that might be missed, so I took the window curtains. I know, I know, why steal at all? Despite my feelings the need to steal wouldn’t let up, and knowing I couldn’t fight it I took something I felt would be missed the least from that room. I suppose I should have stolen something useful like a bed or a toilet but I stopped there. That need had finally disappeared and I was beginning to remember my other needs, like the need to eat. I went downstairs where I found a warm meal. I grabbed a plate and sat down with the family. I’m not sure they intended for me to join them. Now that I think of it, I should have asked first. I REALLY should have asked first, now I feel horrible about behaving that way. At the moment it seemed nice though. It was the first family dinner I had since my parents passed away, even if this one wasn’t with my own family or even people I really knew it was just really nice.

I felt after that I needed to shower so that’swhere I went next. I let the water run over my face and wash away all my troubles. I’d imagine the water being everything in the world that was unpleasant and watched it go down the drain. All my stress, all my worries, all my bad memories gone with the water. Having been fishing all day it was nice to feel clean. After my shower though I felt I had been enough of a burden and decided to leave and go home. It wasn’t until I was out the door that I remembered I really had no where to go. I really need to start working on that land. I walked around to the back of their house where I noticed earlier they had patio furniture and went to sleep.

That night I dreamt of my parents, and the good memories I had of them, fishing with my dad being one of the first to appear. I dreamt of my mom too. I thought of our family dinners and the meals my mom cooked, I could almost taste it. I had dreams like this before, usually the taste would turn to the taste of tears and my dream would flood with memories of that one aweful day when I found them. This time that never happened. We ate dinner as a family and laughed about jokes and described our day experiences. I wonder what they’d say if I told them about my stealing?

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Today I added a new photo to my scrapbook. After choosing the lot I stood there for awhile and held onto Teddy. He’s the only thing I have left of my parents and I’ll never part with him. I saw someone walking by and asked if he’d take a picture of me and Teddy at our new home and the guy was nice enough to though he looked at me funny. Who knows what he really was thinking but I bet the fact that a grown woman wanted her picture taken with her stuffed animal probably did seem a bit strange. The guy may have been nice but he really can’t take pictures very well…look you can see his ugly thumb in the picture! I mean come on! AND I wanted the lot to be in the picture too, but I suppose that part isn’t a total loss…nothing there but grass at the moment. Eventually the backyard will have a beautiful garden in it. I can’t wait…think I’ll start building that first. I like the outdoors, who needs a house?

One great thing about the lot I chose is its across the street from a pond. I went over there today to check it out and I found some fruit and vegetable plants. It felt great to harvest the fresh produce. It was like I had found my own happy place.

There is also this excellent view of a waterfall far off in the distance. I’m not exactly sure where the waterfall is located but from here it looks like a painting. I found myself looking in that direction several times just to get a glimpse of it and every time I found myself mystified and breathless. The view is truly absolutly stunning, I wish my words gave it better justice.

Between my long views of the mountains and my brief harvests I noticed that there were fish in the pond splashing about. Its been awhile since I’ve fished, too long, in fact so long I no longer remember how. I can’t even cast my reel right and fall on my butt trying to. When I finally get the perfect cast everything slowly comes back to me.

I even catch a few small fish. Its exciting at first, but then it gets just down right disappointing. One of the larger black fish even seemed like it was staring at me, taunting me.

Fishing started to bring back memories. Good memories. Still they made me sad. They were the reason it had been so long since I last went fishing. While I stood there it was hard not to wish my dad were there with me. No matter how much I wanted it though it could never happen. He’ll never fish with me again, and he’s the only reason I fish now.

I started to plead towards the sky for him to be with me. I don’t know what I was expecting but I did it anyways. I even stopped fishing to have a melt down. I have so many feelings. I was daddy’s girl. Even now as I write this it hurts and my eyes are full of tears. I miss my parents. They were all I really knew.

I remember the first day dad took me fishing. It was one of those rare days when he didn’t work and he said he was taking me somewhere really special and we had to walk to get there. It wasn’t a long walk, in fact we were just going down the street a ways. Thats were he gave me a fishing pole and taught me how to cast a line my very first time. I wasn’t so much into the fishing as I think he’d hoped but I enjoyed the day out with him just because it was with him. I fished but fishing takes patience, and the ability to stand still. I had neither patience or that ability, in fact in the few pictures I have I find myself in several different spots.

He was really good at fishing. I remember wondering what I was doing wrong and I kept trying to mimic his every move, thinking back maybe the reason i was having such difficulties was the fact I kept moving. There was a brief conversation we had that now really seems more important then it did then. He had asked me if I enjoyed fishing, and of course I said yes, it’s lots of fun. He replied good, and then paused. When he continues to talk he told me how fishing was a great thing to do when you needed to relax. He said it made the world arround him dissolve. I didn’t understand that then, but I think now I do, its the same for me when I garden. He then paused again. What he said then brings tears to my eyes. No matter how busy we get or where life takes us we’ll always fish together.

There was a long silence after that while we watched the water. I finally caught my first fish too. I was so excited about the tiny minnow that dad sent it to be mounted and we ate the fish he caught for dinner. I was really excited about having a plaque for catching a fish…thats what dad said having it mounted sort of was like since I didn’t understand what mounting a fish meant. When it returned in the mail they hung it in the dining room.

Look at me, crying nonstop. I need to stop writing and regain control.

When I was fishing I had gotten lost in the thoughts of this story then too. I had closed my eyes and just been picturing all the good times I had with my dad.

I kept thinking about what my dad had said to me. No matter how busy we get or where life takes us we’ll always fish together. I thought about how nice it would be if he really were there with me when I felt a tug on my line. The fishing rod bent with the weight of the fish and I struggled to reel it in. I had cought a trout, much larger then any of the minnows.

Maybe my dad was there with me after all, maybe he’s the reason I caught the trout. I don’t know, I can only hope. It was getting late by this point, just as it is now. The sun was setting and I needed to take care of some things before it got too late so that was the last fish I caught that night. Theres more to tell but I think I should go to bed.

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